Candy coated promises they’re always tryin’ to sell ya,
But there’s a whole lot of stories that the books never tell ya,
The past few years I’ve a lot of books on being single, and how this time is to be treasured as God prepares you and molds you into the person that is ready for marriage. However, this week I’ve noticed how they have all lied, they all leave something out (a lie of omission is still a lie), none of them tells you how much it hurts to watch your friend’s life move on while you stay stuck in the same place. None of them tell you how much it hurts to watch your friends get everything you have ever dreamed of.
My best friend had twins this week, and I couldn’t be happier for her, but when the joy fades away the same feeling hits… JEALOUSY. Call me a bad friend, I love my best friend with all my heart, that girl knows everything about me and loves me anyways, we’ve know each other since the 1st grade, we’ve been through each other’s highs and lows. However, in the past 5 years she has had most the highs, she’s gotten everything I’ve ever dreamed of, a husband, a house, and babies, and I’ve been stuck on the same worn out road, a road named “Singleness” and watching our lives drift further and further apart from each other. So yea, I’m a little jealous of her.
To be honest I’m not just jealous of my best friend, I’m jealous of all married friends. You see here’s what the books don’t tell you, they don’t tell you what it’s like to age out of your young adult group but have nowhere to go because your church doesn’t have a “sorry your 30 and still single group”, then in one summer watch your partner in crime, the one who would pull you out of your safe place, get her dream job and move 3 hours away and blossom, and your last single friend get married and move across the state leaving you alone and to be honest, lost. No one and no book tells you the twinge of pain you feel when you realize your best friend’s life is moving one without you, no one tells you the heartbreak when you start to wonder if you still matter to her, if she still needs you. No one tells you how hard it becomes to relate to your friends when you no longer can relate to them. No one tells you about the nights you will cry to yourself to sleep due to the loneliness.
Now this isn’t all sad and depressing, I mean the bible does say in Psalms that “He heals the broken-hearted and bandages their wounds”. It comforts me to know that God cares for our broken hearts. Recently I started reading the book Beautiful Uncertainty by one of my favorite authors Mandy Hale, in her book she relates a women traveling through her single period to the season of Advent. Advent is a waiting time, a waiting in expectation for something that has been long expected or coming (Page 44 of Beautiful Uncertainty). Now I am not a patient waiter, I mean it almost broke me waiting for my teaching job, so just imagine how inpatient and weary I have become waiting for my beloved. I’m wearying of having no one to come home to, cook for, buying wedding gifts, and baby gift (especially for babies 2,3, and so on). I’m tired of looking through my social media accounts and seeing couples, and babies(yes I’ll work on my jealousy issues) and not having any of my own to share. But most of all I’m just tired of being alone, no one to share my life and love with.
Now with all that said I don’t doubt my period of singleness has been a time of growth, learning, and becoming ready, but I’m ready to move on to the next period of my life and experience something new. However, author Mandy Hale gave me something to think about, “If advent is a season that celebrates the act of waiting, isn’t it possible there is something sacred in the waiting that God wants to share with us? God loves us so much that he wants to protect us, protect us from ourselves and loves us so much to risk bring in something into our lives that we aren’t ready for. With that in mind I’ve decided to “embrace the beautiful uncertainty of waiting.” (Mandy Hale) There is going to be moments of frustration in this time but I’m going to try really hard to remember that in those moments I am being refined, redesigned, and realigned with God’s will. (Mandy Hale)
So for all of you are in your own season of Advent, whether it be waiting for love, marriage, babies, dream job, new house, or new season to start pray for God to help you, to help you sit patiently in the waiting. Remember that in the waiting you are being aligned with God’s will, and thank him for not bestowing blessing or allowing you to enter a new season that you are not ready for.
This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God’s gift to us.
– Romans 5:5