For the past few months I have been involved with this book study class, we are studying Joyce Meyer’s book Battlefield of the Mind. I was really looking forward to this study, the book had been recommended to me many times and I was very intrigued with it. I have to say I have really loved the book and the class, the book has been really speaking to me since I am my own worst enemy and I tend to listen to the lies the enemy is telling me about myself. However this week the book all but jumped up and smacked me in the face. This week the chapters we were covering the chapter called The Mind of Christ, in this chapter Meyer’s talked about steps to overcome desperation, and one of the steps was to “have an exhortative mind.” Now I’m usually a positive/optimistic person, just ask my sisters who got extremely annoyed with me last weekend as we sat at Texas Motor Speedway in the rain waiting for the NACAR race to start, they wanted to pack it in and leave I kept telling them that the rain would stop and the race would start even though the radar was not looking promising, and the day ended with the race being postponed and we having to pack it in and come home without seeing a race. But all day I remained positive that we would see a race in the face of everything telling us that the weather wasn’t going to lift. I try to always be the positive one mostly because I can’t stand to be around negative people, they tend to piss me off, or bring me down so I try to avoid them. However there is one area in my life that I just can’t seem to find a positive outlook on is my personal life.
It’s no secret that I have a strong desire to get married and have kids but the past view months and especially now that I have turned 30 my outlook on that every happening has become increasingly negative, I have even taken to speaking negatively about it. While I was talking to a friend this week about her new relationship I told her that she deserves someone who treats her best, and she responded that we both did well I turned around the responded to her “well it’s becoming clear that if it hasn’t happened by now, it’s never going to happen so love just isn’t in the cards for me.” She then responded to me “yes it will Bobbie Jo, you can’t think that way” I proceeded to tell her yes I could because it was time for me to accept that love wasn’t going to happen to me I needed to accept that I was unlovable and move on and start focusing on a different dream for my life. I mean I am 30 now, I’m inexperienced when it comes to relationships which usually equals to lousy at them, I have trust issues, I have a hard time accepting love from others, and I’m totally not a supermodel, I have some fluff. All these things don’t usually add up to getting a relationship, so let’s stop the lying and accept the truth that marriage, and babies aren’t in my future. What’s the harm is that?
Have you ever read Proverbs 18:21 (the tongue has the power of life and death), that is the harm, you have to speak positive things for things to come into existence. I have heard this before, and when mom was in the hospital I was constantly reminding my sisters of it. But why is it so hard for me to believe it for myself? I am I allowing myself to settle for less than God has planned for me. None of us know what God has planned for our lives, but we do know that if we speak negatively or doubt our futures those plans will not come to pass. So has hard as it is for me to believe that I will one day be married and have babies I will chose to speak to it to make it come true, I will one day find out what means to be the girl, who changes her mind and changes the world…-(Sugarland). I from this day on will not settle for anything less than believing in all my hearts desires and allow God to work through me and in me to see those dreams come true if not those dreams maybe just maybe something I even better something I wasn’t even expecting.