“I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud…”-Anna Nalick

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
-Anna Nalick

I know you are thinking wow, back to back entries, but after listening to tonight’s message at church on the spirit of fear I knew I had to write tonight. Plus using this particular song lyric as a title has been rolling around in my head for a while just been holding on to it for the perfect blog and this one seems right.

For the past couple of months Pastor Stormy has been preaching on the Fear of the Lord and how that was a good thing, tonight he changed directions and started talking about the Spirit of Fear, the bad kind of fear. This is the fear that will make you sick, paralyze you, keep you up at night and keep you from enjoying and living a peaceful God purposed/blessed life.

As Pastor Stormy was preaching tonight I realized how much I let fear control my life, in fact fear controls almost every aspect of my life. I fear being a failure, a disappointment, letting people down, being alone, never making my life matter, settling, never accomplishing my dreams, not going to Heaven, dying young, losing my family, being a crappy teacher, I worry about there being something wrong with me right now because I can’t seem to get out of this funk I’m in and I have energy so I lay in bed and get little done, I worry never becoming the women that God wants me to be and so on and so on , like I said fear controls me. As the message went on Pastor said this, if you don’t own up and tell others about things that control you, you will always keeping feeling ashamed and if you don’t step out you will be stuck in the same place. I don’t want to be stuck I feel I been stuck on the same train platform for years waiting for my train while everyone else is on their train making laps around me and leaving me behind and not looking back.

So tonight I leave it all out here, like the song says:
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

I’m am going to come out of my rock of hiding, trying to not be afraid that you are going to use this list against me but I am taking to heart now is a verse I have heard so many times before but it was extra pointe to night:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~2 Timothy 1:7

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